When to give up?

Red:  Let me tell you something, my friend.  Hope is a dangerous thing. Hope can drive a man insane.

Andy: Remember Red, hope is a good thing, maybe the best of things, and no good thing ever dies.

This is just a part of an exchange of dialogue from the movie Shawshank Redemption.  In the film, Andy was wrongly accused of murdering his wife.  He was sent to a maximum security prison and there he met Red.

In one scene, they were discussing about hope.  For Red, hope can be treacherous. However, for Andy, hope is loyal and reliable.

The two both have a point.  Hope can be deceiving and beautiful.  Perhaps it is blind persistence that makes hope exhausting and a useless quest.  Living in pain, among other things may be enough to finally give up.  But when is it time to give up especially in a relationship? PSST.ph helps you decide with these five signs.

You are chronically worn out

When to give up?
When to give up?

Working on a worthwhile relationship is always exciting.  The lack of enthusiasm shows you have become used to striving and never arriving.   Often, you experience weariness and even stress-related illnesses.  Life becomes a cycle- spending most of your time trying to work things out or resting in an effort to be fresh from the exhaustion.  If this is your life, it is more likely you get very little chance to escape the cycle.   Be brave then to get out.

You always drag yourself to wake up

You often view mornings as new beginnings.  Lately, however, both your body and mind are trying to tell you: go out or sleep again.  Getting out of the house or extending your sleep becomes your solution to forget.  Suddenly, there is nothing more beautiful in the morning.   Seeing your partner doesn’t excite you anymore.

You wake up with the thought of giving up

You go to bed to end your day’s misery only to wake up in the same state.  The emotional pain is still there.  You will either do your usual thing or make a few adjustments hoping to give your relationship a chance only to be disappointed.  Despite the changes you made, the situation or the person remains the same.  So you opt to sleep again, hoping for a new beginning when you wake up, only to realize, perhaps what you need is already a miracle.

You start to look lowly about  yourself

You know yourself as a confident person, but lately, you have a certain negative belief of yourself.  Not being able to fix your marriage, for instance, results in thinking you are unlovable or unworthy.  There is self-doubt.  You start to question if there is something wrong with you.  You begin to be extra sensitive to other’s tone of voice, gestures toward you, and even how they look at you.  This is because you are mentally keeping score of how others treat you – are they treating you the same as how your partner treats you?  In most cases, a relationship that hurts your self-worth isn’t worth it.

You don’t feel doubt but indifference

No matter how strongly you feel about your loved one, it is only natural to feel doubtful once in a while.  As they say, doubt is the beginning of wisdom and by seeking, you find the truth. This is what makes doubting beautiful.  It can humble your arrogance. Doubt can give you patience and even makes love stronger.  The absence of doubt is indifference.  With indifference, you stop to care.  Sadly, this indifference is what you are feeling for your spouse or boyfriend.

You stay for other reasons

For months, your partner brings out the worst in you and vice versa.  You both avoid communication because you will only end up arguing.  The only reason that binds you has nothing to do with love. Perhaps it is the children.   You only stay with high hopes the situation changes but if it doesn’t, you don’t care as much.

When to give up?
When to give up?

When to give up

Again, hope can be deceiving and beautiful.  But in this situation, it is more likely not hope that makes you stay but blind persistence. You only sabotage your effort in making the relationship work when you yourself aren’t doing it for love’s sake.

Sometimes, the best advice to give someone is to urge him not to give up.  There are situations, though, when you need not listen to someone’s advice but to yourself.

Drop blind persistence, decide for yourself, and regain your freedom.   Giving up on the relationship doesn’t mean giving up on your partner.  It is more on freeing yourself from the miseries and giving him himself.   But most importantly, giving up means regaining your biggest asset – yourself.

Berlin Domingo

Devoted. Compassionate. Instinctive. Berlin loves to write personal narratives, thrilling discoveries, and mommy tips that make daily living the happiest. She shares a place called the small house with her husband and their four boys.