Many married couples experience times when sexual intimacy is at a low. This is a natural part of the different periods in marital life; your experience is not unusual. The reasons can be as unique as the individuals involved in the relationship. Here are the most common reasons:
Each one has different experiences and needs, and sex is not an exception. There are those who like to have sex more often than others. Ideally, one would have a partner with similar needs and likes. However, this is not so for everyone. Also, early sexual experiences can influence how a person views sexual intimacy. For example, a person who was sexually molested at a young age might think of the sexual act differently.
Too many concerns—work, financial responsibilities—can overwhelm a person, resulting in a lack of energy.
Having too many things to do can cause a couple to sidestep sex, as it may be deemed to drain the already dwindling energy needed to manage daily tasks.
After a woman gives birth and starts to breastfeed, a man can lose interest in the woman and view her from an angle he never imagined before. This can sometimes lead couples to avoid sexual intimacy.
Estrangement or conflict.
Frequency and quality of sexual intimacy can sometimes be a fairly reliable gauge of a relationship. Couples who are experiencing differences may have little desire to engage in sexual acts. Tenderness and physical touch can also lessen, if not disappear all together.
Remember that these reasons can be very specific to individuals and yours may not be any of these. Ultimately, sexual intimacy is a form of communication. Couples affirm and validate each other through this act of love. Being able to open up to your husband about the absence of sex can build open communication between the two of you. You might find this a bit awkward at the beginning, but being able to talk about sex with your husband will broaden the range of topics that you can share. Nurturing the relationship can often re-ignite intimacy, whether this involves sexual intercourse or not.
And so, the challenge lies in the ways that you nurture your relationship. Connecting with each other and getting involved in each other’s lives oftentimes brings about emotional and physical intimacy.
It Takes Two
“Two people need to be invested in making a relationship work.”
Find ways to engage our husband in doing enjoyable activities together. A few suggestions:
- Frequently share the different goings-on in each other’s lives.
- Just talking about what happened at the end of the day can work miracles. Fostering friendship and open, honest communication lines are important elements in any relationship.
- Have a date night at least once a month. Doing things you both enjoy and devoting some alone time with each other is a good practice.
- Talk to each other about ways of giving each other pleasure. This can take the form of pampering the other with a sensual massage or cooking one’s favourite meal. Just do what the other person likes, and let that work its own magic!
- Do something fund and spontaneous. Do something you both liked to do when you were dating, but have found little time to do since getting married. Recall private jokes and talk about some of the fun times you have had together. You might even want to look at old photographs to remember some of those times.
Good luck, we wish you all the best as you try to rekindle romance with your significant other.
“Love is not about how much or how often you say ‘I Love You’ but how much you can prove that it’s true.”