The spark in your relationship has dimmed and you have no idea why. You’ve been overwhelming them with love and affection and still, your partner is distant. Terrified they might be losing interest, you continue to pour more unrequited energy into the relationship, hoping it’ll bring back the fireworks. This is a completely natural reaction but unfortunately, often the beginning of the end. You end up pushing them away even further, or worse: you teach them that it’s OK to take you for granted.
We’ve all been there. That’s for sure. After tons of harsh dating experiences, we’ve learned that the way to attract a healthy relationship and maintain the heat is by doing exactly the opposite. Instead of giving your all to your partner, you should really be giving your all to yourself. Your partner’s most likely growing distant because the relationship is obscuring the person you were when they fell for you: the person you were before you got together. Your perspective on the world, the hobbies and interests you have, your drive, passions — all of it drew them toward you like a moth to a flame. Chances are, you’ve left those things on the back burner for the sake of this relationship . . . and it’s ruining what made it interesting in the first place.
Sure, it’s easier said than done. We’ve got a few tips that’ll help you get on the right track to worshiping yourself. Not only will prioritizing your needs, before any relationship, transform this flicker into a fire, but it’ll also help you lead a much more satisfying dating life from here on out.
Treat yourself the way you want to be treated
All that attention you wish your partner was giving you? Give it to yourself. Instead of waiting around for your partner to shower you with the respect and adoration you deserve, shower yourself with it. Would you want a significant other to constantly break plans with you? To bore of you? To ghost you? Probably not. So why do we always feel so inclined to do these things to ourselves? If you drain all your energy giving your partner attention that they don’t reciprocate, you’re letting yourself down. And if your partner sees how easily you forget yourself, they’ll be willing to forget you too.
If you want your partner to think you’re the greatest person ever, you must treat yourself like the greatest person ever. Focus on your goals, projects, and dreams. Remember how special they are! No one understands your needs better than you do, so it’s up to you to define them for the world. Your partner is learning how to cherish you based on how you cherish yourself. Treat yourself like the rarest treasure of a human being and there’s no doubt your partner will be inspired to prove themselves worthy.
Don’t tolerate bad behavior
It’s beyond important that you set boundaries for what you’re willing to allow from your partner. If they’re cold one day then hot the next, and you act like this this roller-coaster ride of a relationship is totally fine with you, they’ll believe it! If you let inconsiderate behavior slide because you’re just happy to be back in their arms again, the moment of bliss probably won’t last. They’ll be back to their careless ways by tomorrow. The problem here is that they think they can have you however they want. Don’t allow it!
Reward behavior you appreciate with your attention and pull away from them when they do the opposite. Your partner will only behave as badly as they know they can get away with, so stand your ground and don’t follow their rules. Write your own.
Quit dropping everything for them
If your partner drops in whenever they feel like it without any consideration for how that affects you, it’s because they think they can. You’ve trained them to think that you’ve got nothing better to do than hang out with them by canceling all your plans whenever your partner comes around.
It’s imperative that your significant other knows your time is valuable. You have a busy schedule that you stick to, no matter what. If they call you while you’re out with your friends, tell them you’ll call them back later. If they ask you to hang out last minute, tell them that you’re busy at the moment but free after 7 o’clock on Tuesday. Plans with them feel up in the air? Then they’re not real plans. You don’t have time to deal with their ambiguity! They’ll see that it’s not as easy to get a hold of you as they thought, so they’ll work a lot harder to make it happen. Time with you is special and must be earned. Never forget that.
Stop being too clingy
When your partner begins to sense that your overall happiness depends on them, the relationship will feel like a sacrifice of their freedom rather than an equal partnership. If your thoughts are consumed by their whereabouts, thoughts, and feelings toward you, your partner will feel like they’re being monitored. You want to be their better half, not their mother! Which is why you must show them that you don’t need to be with them, you choose to be with them.
You know what independence from the relationship says? You’re probably out there somewhere, fascinating everyone you meet. You’ve got a universe of your own that’s constantly evolving. You have options. You’re in demand. There’s nothing sexier than the thought of your partner learning from and affecting the world on their own time. It makes you interesting and they’ll feel lucky to be in your life. Instead of your relationship becoming a boring routine, it remains a thrill!
Learn to love yourself a little bit more
The key to having a relationship that is truly worthwhile is to already love spending time with yourself. You don’t shudder at the thought of having to spend time alone. In fact, you look forward to it! Since you’re the greatest person alive, who wouldn’t embrace quality time with that person?
If you can master the art of loving alone time, you won’t even have to worry about keeping your partner’s interest. Your core of self-love will shine through you like an iridescent gem and it’ll be impossible for your partner to forget you. Also, everything else mentioned in this article? It will become second nature.
“Self love is not a selfish act. It’s not isolating one’s self from your partner and neglecting their needs. It’s about taking care of and protecting your own, so that you’re free to reach your fullest potential as a partner, which will automatically bring out the best in your partner as well.”