There are many possible reasons why a guy might use a woman. He might use her for sex and not want to actually commit to her. Or maybe he is just after her money, uses her career connections or he likes that you are generous, and you tend to give in to his every request. Maybe he just wants you to boost his ego but he won’t put in the time to actually get to know you. Some guys really had that charm to get away with whatever it is that they want.
That being said, this article does not mean that every guy out there is out to use you. But at the same time, it is good to know what the signs are so you can avoid further heartbreak in the future. Below are common signs a guy could be using you.
There are actually some red flags which you can use in order to gauge if a guy is indeed using you. First of, you have to know how this relationship makes you feel? Do you often feel bad about yourself? Do you feel like you do not do enough or do you always feel guilty for wanting something more? Is something making you uneasy about your relationship?
While it is not always the case, these feelings can sometimes indicate that you are being used in your relationship. Next you will read about actions that will show whether or not this guy is using you. This will help you to really figure out what is going on in your relationship.
You have not been introduced to his family or friends
If you’re in a healthy relationship, then it is normal to know your boyfriend’s family members and friends. Whoever else is in his life, you should know them too. This especially applies to the people who are very important to him. It’s going to be a big red flag if you haven’t been introduced to his parents when you know just too well how close he is to his Mom or Dad. Alarm bell should be going off for you.
Not introducing you to other people can mean a number of potential things. It could mean that he is embarrassed to introduce you or it could mean that he is not committed enough to the relationship. People often introduce their significant others to friends and family when they are getting more serious. It could also mean that he is hiding something from you. Maybe he’s already married or he has kids. But if you really mean something to him, you deserve to be introduced to the people he loves.
He is selfish in bed
In any relationship, there should be an equal balance. Sometimes you have to be the giver while there should also be times when you should be on the receiving end. Do you feel like you are always giving in to his needs but he never consider what you need?
If he is selfish in bed, then that should be telling you to take a step back. When he is not considering your needs, including those physical needs, then you are seeing a sign that you are not in a mature relationship. Try to talk to him about it first. But if he’s not willing to try, but expects you to do everything that he wants, then he is absolutely using you to satisfy his own selfish needs.
He relies on you financially
Are you always pulling out your wallet when you are with your guy? Understand that sometimes the guy in the relationship might not be doing as well financially and won’t be able to pay. That is understandable. But if you’re paying for your meals, even his own Uber or Grab ride, and he relies on you to pay for every single thing and has the expectation that you will always foot the bill for him, then he is using you. This is especially true if he does not work or if he does work but never offers to help out financially for things that are for the two of you.
Does he live with you? If he lives at your place and never makes an effort to pitch in, then he doesn’t love you, he might be using you just to have a place to stay.
He always needs a favor from you
All relationships are a work in progress. It is all about give and take. It is perfectly normal for you to do things for your significant other. But does he ever return the favor? If you find that you are always the one doing things for him and he never lifts a finger to help you, then you are being used by him.
Does he never step up to the plate for you? These could be signs that he is using you. If you feel like his servant instead of his lover who is his equal, then something is wrong.
“Bear in mind: Never allow someone to abuse and use you, just because you love them.”
He disappears on you (Ghosting)
Some guys have busy schedules and sometimes things will pop up at the last minute. But does he disappear on you constantly? Is he always cancelling or rescheduling the plans you make with him?
If so, then it shows that he might not value the time you spend together. Constantly cancelling plans is rude and might indicate that you are not a priority to him.
Another case of ghosting on you is if he takes a long time to respond to your calls and text messages. Does he always have some sort of excuse ready for why he is always so unavailable to talk to you? When he cancels last minute on you a lot or takes hours or sometimes even days to respond to your text messages, if he disappears on you frequently, then you are looking at a red flag. This could be a sign that he is using you and might only spend time with you when there is nothing better to do.
He never compromises
Is it always his way or the highway? If everything has to be the way he wants it, then that can be a sign he is using you. Maybe you let him dictate everything but the one time you ask if you can do something your way, he says no and gets upset. That is a sign of him being controlling as well. Yes, another act of manipulation. Check if he has symptoms of NPD (Narcissitic Personality Disorder)
If he is always the one deciding what the two of you will do, then you could be in a controlling relationship. Does he always try to tell you what to eat, what to wear, and who to hang out with?
Does he never consult what you want to do as a partner and do you get an equal footing in your relationship? If this is the case then he is probably using you.
He does not show affection
Affection is a way that we demonstrate our love for those who are important to us. When someone hugs or kisses us, it lets us know that we are special to them. So what happens when he won’t show you affection?
If he is not affectionate towards you, then it might just be part of his personality. Or it can mean that he does not see this as a serious relationship. Maybe he is only using you for what you are giving him, whether it is status, sex, or something else entirely.
Your friends do not like him & your family and friends has warned you about him
Sometimes your friends pick up on things way before you do. Whether they are great observers or just love you deeply, your friends might have the ability to see a user from a mile away. While you might think your friends as overprotective of you, remember that they’re just looking after your welfare. Either way, it is worth it for you to take their concerns into account. They might be seeing something that you have been blind to. Or they might be seeing things that you have not seen. So if they warn you about him, their warnings might be worth taking a serious look at.
There are many ways to figure out if your guy is using you. While you might have to dig to figure this out, you will find that most of these signs are right there in plain sight.
“All you need to do is take off those rose colored glasses and see the fact that he is using you and is taking advantage of the relationship for his own selfish needs.”
If you are invested in keeping the relationship going, you can try to figure out ways to get past this, as long as he is willing to do his part. But if he is not interested in making the effort to make things better, do not feel badly about breaking it off.
“You deserve someone who treats you like an equal, someone who does not use you and who thinks only about himself. You deserve to love someone and care about someone and you deserve to be loved and cared for in turn.”